1. Stay out past your bedtime. You’re paying nearly
two grand for a one room shack in the less than glamorous part of a
neighborhood your parents warned you against when you were a kid. There’s no
luxury in our homes in NYC- we find our wealth in the unexpected rooftop
parties, the “I swore I wouldn’t drink tequila” shots at 4am and the sunrise
over the east river. Don’t go home. Go out until you’ve got no energy, no
money, no problems but the simple question of “How will I survive work today?”
Don’t worry, you will.
2. Keep a few singles in your pocket at all times.
In a world run on the credit card it seems like a silly things to do and most
New Yorkers NEVER carry cash for fear of A. losing their bags or B. having them
stolen (which have both happened to everyone) However, a few singles could be
the bottle of water you’re dying for at the bodega who has a ten dollar
minimum, the tip for an unexpected taxi ride, beer or doorman or the least you
can do when that homeless man walks by with no shoes on, dragging a suitcase
behind him with death over his shoulder. And you don’t normally give out to the
homeless but when something inside you breaks
looking into the face of someone who has lost EVERYTHING you press the few
singles into his palm wishing it were a hundred. Carry singles.
3.
Don’t assume the world is out to get you.
Because in reality it probably isn’t…it’s just that New Yorkers are prone to
mistrust having been abused for so long by the comrades we share our city with.
We are rude, distrustful, impatient and mean. And when you feel the subtle flush
creeping out into your finger tips just looking
and the idiot in the doorway of the subway who refuses to move even with the
Bitch Stare and a curt “excuse me” try to stay calm. He wasn’t sent to ruin
your entire day and before the day is over you’ll encounter something much
worse. Move on.
4.
Walk everywhere. If it’s not raining or snowing
and even if it is, walk. There is seldom anything more moving in this life than
a city street hushed by a torrential snow storm. City blocks turn into seconds
once you get your stride down. New Yorkers walk faster than most people run. So
walk. It’s likely that you’ll leave NYC someday so catch all the mornings on 34th
street you can, all the drunken stumbles, the broken high heels and the
blisters. The scars will always bring you your memories even after you’ve left.
5.
Once in a while walk around by yourself with
your headphones on. It’s strangely exhilarating to feel “alone” in a city of
millions of people.
6.
Don’t be a New York snob. And don’t act like you
don’t know what that means. When your friends from out of town visit don’t roll
your eyes and sigh exaggeratedly when they want to see Times Square. Of course
they do! They’ve never been here and once upon a time you wanted to see it too.
So don’t deny them what you’ve had for so long. Go back to Times Square (yes,
even on a Saturday) and climb the Empire State and jostle through the crowd of
Rockefeller Center. All those great places and swarms of people are what made
this city. Go to them lovingly like an old flame and take your friends to an
obscure underground bar after to prove your street cred.
7.
Once in a while leave New York. Go travel to
another wild city, talk to strangers and eat weird food. Visit your parents in their sweet suburb and
enjoy a little silence. You’ll prattle on with old high school friends about
how it’s so expensive in NYC and everyone is hot wired to be super efficient
and everything is so dirty but there’s that gleam in your eye about it and
you’ll spring to it’s defense should anyone else utter a word against it.
You’re a New Yorker now and you proudly wear that badge when your away from it
should anyone ask. There’s nothing and I
mean nothing half so soothing as
flying onto the tarmac at JFK with the NYC skyline in the background. Go away.
You’ll always find your way back.
8.
One night stands are like snow storms. Inevitably,
t hey happen once in a while and are beautiful while you’re caught up in the
middle. But after the snow settles and is trampled by a million muddy boots the
glitter becomes grimy and you need to go home and take a shower.
9.
Join a gym. Yes you’re walking everywhere and
probably getting more exercise than you ever have in your life. But you need a
gym. A- it will motivate you to get your lazy ass up after a night of furtive
drinking and go for a run (I understand this is not probable which is why we
have reason B) B- It gives you a place to pee, shower and change before happy
hour (the most commonly used reason for gym memberships in NYC)
10.
Money can buy happiness in NYC and don’t let
anyone fool you into believing otherwise. No, it can’t mend a broken heart or
snuggle or tell you everything will be okay. But it can buy those cocktails at
the hot new bar in the village with your friends, Yankee tickets to the opening
game, those stilettos you’ve visited in Bloomingdales everyday for two months
and the souped up laptop you’ve coveted since its debut. Chances are you won’t remember
the $100 you put into your savings account in July of 2013, but you’ll always remember
the homerun Jeter hit in the bottom of the ninth, the laughter of your friends after
a broken heart in your favorite bar and the night you met your boyfriend in
your new shoes. Saving is great, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes spending is
great too.
11.
Go to museums, Broadway shows, fashion shows, sports
games, concerts and cabarets WHENEVER you can. You’ll rarely regret it.
12.
Visit the Strand Book Store. They have literally
thousands of books- old, rare, out of print, new and used. It’s a wonder to
just see the volumes and volumes of bound leather and torn pages and the doggy
eared folds from people who enjoyed them too once upon time. Don’t give your
entire life over to your laptop and kindle and cell phone. There is something
universally sacred in the weight of a real book and the smell of the dusty
pages. Try not to let technology rob you
of those prayers.
13.
Beer before liquor never been sicker sort of
looses meaning 8 pitchers of beer in. By that time shots of jager go down like
orange juice…and you can’t remember climbing onto the bar to dance but you’re
best friend has a picture of it. Try not to forget your shoes in that random
diner you’ll end up at around 5am.
14.
If you’re not a violent person before your first
cup of coffee try to catch the sunrise at least once in Manhattan. When the
first rays strike off the glass and chrome the whole city is lit up in a silver
gold glow that mere words can’t describe. Everything glitters. And for a few brief
moments before New York wrestles itself awake there is the silence of peace
that sets everything in the world to rights. It is actual magic.
15.
Learn how to cook. You will save hundreds of
dollars (that you can later spend on Knicks Tickets)
16.
Try not to walk around glued to the screen of
your phone. Yeah Angry Birds is totally important, I get it. But there’s a lot
to see in NYC and if you’re more focused on flinging birds into a digital sky
you’ll miss it. All the strange shops and wonderful smells and interesting people.
You need eyes to see that. Plus, the rest of us are tired of you walking into
us.
17.
Smile a lot. I know that contradicts your entire
bitchy New York attitude but it makes the rest of the world more open to you. A
smile may fix someone else’s day without you even doing anything. It’s also
better than the painful looking grimace most people adorn while aimlessly
walking. Think about what you’re presenting to others…a smile goes a long way. (On
a side note this also encourages strange men to shout inappropriate things at
you. A simple good morning is enough of a response. I’ve always been wary to
ignore those sort of things with strangers because you never know when someone
is going to snap. If they say it nicely a polite response won’t kill you. Just
say thanks and smile and walk on)
18.
Wear those weird pants with the strange print
and the mini skirt with the ruffles and the 80’stee shirt and bizarre sneakers.
One of the best things about fashion in NYC is that there are pretty much no
rules...and there’s a 100% chance you’ll run into something MUCH weirder before
lunch time. Try not to compare yourself to others so much and you’ll stand out
more for it. So don’t feel shy about trying the new odd thing in that store
window…you may regret it in 10 years but chances are you’ll regret all your
fashion choices anyway.
19.
Make mistakes. At work, in relationships, at
home, with your friends and parents. It’s the only way to learn how to do
things right. At least you can take something away from your mistakes.
20.
Try to be a good person. This world is full of
horrors. You can’t changes everything or save everyone but you can do your best
to be kind and helpful when someone needs it. That’s the best any of us can
hope for.
